Trick Question
by JustALittleOfNanny
Summary: You've done this before. Don't let her leave. You're an idiot if you do. It's gonna rip you both in half and, right now, you are gonna have to be the one to make sure that doesn't happen. Willow/Buffy. Set right after the sixth season.
1. Prologue

Xander's face is what scares her. The look of determination that's so rarely appeared in the past few years is there. The one that makes her feel like she _has _to listen to him. He wants her to run. He wants her to find her and let her know how she's feeling. Stop her from leaving, if Buffy can.

"Listen, Buffy, I know that you've been through a lot-more, even, than I can possibly imagine. But, stop for a minute. Think it over. She has too. She's been there for you even when you shut us out. She lost Tara this year, Buffy. That alone must have been so much..._more_ than she's had to handle in the past." His jaw is set as he speaks, making Buffy feel as though she should be scared. "But I've looked out for her for as long as I can remember, even more so since we met you. She needs you. Not wants, though maybe that too, sure. But she _needs_ you. And you need her too."

"Xander, I-" Buffy starts, but he puts up a hand.

"Hear me out," he tells her calmly. "Let me know if I'm wrong, but you won't last without each other. If I _know_ anything about you two, I know that much. You love her. Simple as that. It's not that difficult, Buffy. She needs you. You need her. Should be a happy ending, right? No. You're about to let her go. You're ready to let her fly across the world, possibly forever, and you're not even going to try to get her to stay. Am I on track yet?" He paused for a second, not truly expecting an answer. He didn't get one.

"You've done this before, Buffy. You _know_ that you've done this before. And I'm pretty sure this time's different. Don't let her leave. You're an idiot if you do. It's gonna rip you both in half and, right now, _you _are gonna have to be the one to make sure that doesn't happen."

Buffy looks up at him, hoping that the silent tears tracking their way down her face are enough to convince him that he's right. She lets out a sob; the first one she's released in what seems to have been forever.

"Go," Xander commands. Buffy hugs him tightly, still crying. Then she turns and she goes.


	2. Willow and Tara

**Thanks for the reviews, by the way. **

**Yes, I **_**do**_ **realize that I used the same speech that Xander gave about Riley. This is AU mind you, but, since it's so late in the series, that doesn't change that he already said those words. **

**Please, understand that I've rewritten this **_**entire**_** story about eight times. This chapter alone has been reworked five times as of yesterday. I'll rewrite the prologue, this time with my own words. Just give me some time.**

The silence was almost has unbearable as the sniffling. Not that being sad was a bad thing; mourning is normal when you lose someone you love. But Willow had never been a silent crier and the fact that there was no longer any noise coming from her bedroom made Buffy begin to panic.

They'd moved her. Xander, Dawn, and Buffy had. They'd had too. Tara had left a bloodstain on the floor—not her fault—and they didn't want Willow to see it. So, details not being their top priority, they'd moved her bed into Buffy's old room and hauled her belongings after it, thus banishing Buffy to Willow's room.

Usually, when she was depressed, Willow would play music loudly so that the others couldn't hear her releasing her pain. There was no music now and, even with Slayer hearing, Buffy was unable to hear a single sound coming from her old room beyond a heartbeat and slow breathing.

She might have been asleep. Buffy doubted it, but it was still a possibility, right? Maybe all the crying she'd done had worn her out or something like that. Again, unlikely, but plausible.

So that was why Buffy was standing outside the doorway to Willow's(her) room, her ear pressed to the door, trying to hear any least bit of sound. There still wasn't anything and, worried that perhaps Willow had seen her shadow beneath the door, she started to tiptoe away.

"Buffy?" Willow's voice called from behind the door. It was muffled, but she could still make out what had been said.

Sighing, Buffy walked back over to the door and pushed it open; ducking her head through the small crack she'd created. "Hey, Will. What's up?"

"Were you outside the door?" Busted.

"Um, yeah. Just…checking on you. I'm worried, that's all," Buffy told her. It was true. She was worried about her. They all were.

"You can come in, you know," Willow told her calmly. "I'm pretty sure my tears aren't contagious."

"Oh. Right." Buffy walked into the room, flipping on the light as she did. She saw Willow lying down on the bed, propped up against the headboard. "Hey," she said as she walked over at sat down at the end of the bed. "How are you doing?"

"Do you want short and simple or embellishments and all?" Willow asked quietly. Even though Buffy knew she was serious, she was glad to hear her friend trying to make as light of the situation as she could.

"I want the truth. How are you doing?"

Willow closed her eyes. "I'm…dealing." She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, fixing her gaze on Buffy. "But it hurts. Sometimes, it's more than I can handle."

Unsure of what else she could say, Buffy whispered an, "I'm sorry."

Willow furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "What are you sorry for? It's not like it's your fault Warren shot you and I went all…" She didn't finish but Buffy knew where she'd been heading. "I should be the one apologizing."

"You already have," Buffy pointed out. "And we've already forgiven you. I'm the one that's sorry."

"And again I say, 'Why are you sorry?'"

"Because it's my fault." She got to her feet. "All of it. Ms. Calendar, Angel, Kendra, Faith, Riley, Giles leaving, and…" She looked down, almost surprised that she wasn't able to finish.

"You can say her name. I'm not gonna…rip you apart if you say her name." Buffy looked up at Willow. "I need to move on…I've g-got to move on."

Buffy nodded. "And Tara," she finished. "It's all my fault. I'm so…tired of having people die…for me."

"Is that what this is about?" Willow asked, sitting up. "Come on, Buff. They didn't leave or die because or for you." Buffy's eyes grew wide in surprise. "I'm sorry, but it's a whole lot bigger than that…than _you_. They got themselves into this, knowing full well what it meant. Okay, so maybe not so much on the Kendra part, but I still think I have a legitimate point to make here."

"Will, what are you-"

"Wait, Buffy. Hear me out." She took a deep breath and looked up at Buffy, her face void of expression. "They didn't die for you. Xander and I don't put our lives on the line almost every day for you. It's a whole lot bigger than you. Please, try to understand that.

"Even from the beginning, we didn't do it for you. Don't get me wrong, you're a swell gal, it's just…we were in danger if we didn't help. Granted, we were in more danger when and if we _did_ help, but that's not the point." She sighed and shook her head. "That was never the point. The point is that everyone we love, everything we know, this whole town is…put in jeopardy and you're the _one_ person that can stop that. You're our only hope.

"_That's_ why we put our lives in danger, Buffy. _That's_ why we'll never leave you. Of course, we love you, we do…it's just. It's…different than you've believed it to be."

Buffy stopped, ignoring the tears that filled her eyes and threatened to brim over. She looked at Willow for what seemed to be forever and Willow looked back, never once glancing away. Finally, Buffy walked over and sat down next to her.

"You're right," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Willow leaned over and wrapped her arms around her, closing her eyes as she leaned her head on Buffy's shoulder. "I love you, Buffy. I really do." Buffy smiled at this and felt the first of her tears begin to fall. "And…I'm so…s-sorry for…everything. You know, that, right?"

As they pulled away, Buffy felt her senses hit overload as she looked at Willow; messy, red-eyed, sad Willow. Shaking her head, Buffy tried to pull away just as she felt her emotions get the best of her. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against Willow's, becoming slightly more passionate as she felt Willow kiss her back.

They moved together, back and forth, kissing each other firmly and with more feeling than the two had known they'd been holding back. Finally, breathless and with newly acquired bruises on their lips, they pulled apart, almost afraid to make eye contact with one another.

"Tara," Willow whispered, tilting Buffy's chin and kissing her again, lightly this time.

Buffy pulled back. "Will, you know I'm not Tara, right?"

Willow closed her eyes and smiled. "Yes," she admitted. "But sometimes…it's nice to…p-pretend."

She kissed her again and Buffy found herself unable to argue with even her inner voice. _This is __**Willow**_, it was saying. _What the hell are you doing?_ She didn't answer the voice. She didn't know the answer even if she could find her voice.

Not even two minutes ago they'd been talking about how Buffy needed to stop assuming that every person that died did so for her, and, here they were, making out on her bed. Her mom's old bed. The bed that Willow had shared with Tara.

All thoughts flew from her mind as Willow's hand darted under her shirt and her fingers ran along her back.

_She's grieving_, the voice tried again. _She doesn't know what she's doing._ Buffy ignored it as she broke their kiss and gently kissed Willow's neck.

The voice was right, though. She'd at least acknowledge that. They were _both_ grieving. They were both suffering terrible, heart wrenching pain—even if it was for different reasons.

But this intimacy, the way they were acting now, caused them both to forget about the aching pain they felt almost constantly. They felt the warmth radiated from the opposite and, for once, allowed themselves to be overcome with the need they had to fill the holes left behind by their mistakes.

**Okay. First chapter's done and up now. **

**Again, I'm reworking the prologue as we speak. Sorry if I bothered you by filling in the prologue with past dialogue in order to finish it on my own time in my own words.**


	3. Anything Can Happen

**Okay, here's the next chapter. **

In the dream that she had, the green was gone. All the leaves on the trees in the forest she stood in had turned red and yellow and gold. She stared up at them before turning to her mother, who was standing beside her and smiling at their surroundings.

"It's okay," her mother told her. "It's much prettier this way." It was about then when she'd woken up.

There was sunlight coming in through the windows of Willow's (her) room. A large patch of the light filtered onto the bed, highlighting the hands she had wrapped around Willow's waist. She smiled softly at the electricity pulsing up her arms at the skin-to-skin contact.

For a while, there was just them; the two of them together and…so calm. But she began to remember the night before. After the first kiss, everything blended together, punctuated by moments of perfect clarity in which she clearly remembered not being called 'Tara' more than the once. Every moan, every whisper, every gasp, every scream had been Buffy. Just Buffy.

_I think you were always just Buffy._

Her mother's words flitted through her mind at that precise moment. At one point in time, the words had harmed her; stung and swelled there, allowing the tears to fall when the darkness of night smothered her shaky breaths. But she'd grown hard—emotionally still—since…since she'd been brought back. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried, the last time she'd allowed the tears to fall freely.

And that was the way it should be. At least, that's what she told herself.

_What was this, though?_ her mind wondered. Sleeping with friends was becoming quite the habit, and she wondered briefly how they would look at each other again. _Ever_ again. The worry swept over her in a cloud of rushed panic and hurried thoughts. She laid there, her arms around Willow, her naked body pressed against her best friend's naked body, and she felt every fear of losing her she'd ever had come crashing down at once.

And then Willow stirred and she felt every emotion rush away from her. She felt blank besides the overwhelming feelings of calm and adoration inside of her chest, welling up and threatening to burst out. Willow stirred and she yawned and she slowly woke up and Buffy felt like she could stop any apocalypse, fix any problem, even lift a car. Never before had she felt so at peace with herself, so right when she was pressed this way against her.

"Buffy?" Willow mumbled sleepily. She turned on her back and looked at her best friend—protector, loyal supporter, biggest fan—and they eyes she stared back into were so full of emotion that she felt like she could cry at the sight. It had been a while since she'd seen such perfect happiness in her best friend's face. "Good morning."

Buffy grinned down at her, wondering briefly when the next apocalypse was on its way and knowing that, with Willow looking at her like that, she could take it on as easily as pouring water in a glass. "Good morning," she replied in an even tone that she tried to control. It betrayed her, however, and clearly let out all of the joy inside of her being.

Willow reached up and brushed her fingertips on Buffy's face, sighing at the tingling feeling that floated into her fingers as she made contact. She'd been silly at first, to pretend that Buffy was Tara. She was gone, Tara was, and being with Buffy had felt far more perfect than anything else she'd felt before.

"I l—" Buffy started, but she stopped herself. She didn't love her, couldn't love her. It wasn't right or convenient and she knew that it wasn't reciprocated. "I love mornings," she blurted out quickly, trying her best to sound natural. It was lovely, this euphoria, and she wanted it to last as long as it could. That meant that any mutterings of meaningless, unreturned words could not be uttered…under any circumstances.

"Mmm…" Willow sighed, stretching her arms, wiggling away a bit when she realized she'd been holding her breath, childishly anticipating being told that she was loved, being reminded that someone was in love her. _Not today,_ she promised herself. _Or any day._ "Me too."

They weren't going to talk about it. They both knew it and accepted it, even if it was halfheartedly. It was something that couldn't and shouldn't be discussed. That's what they decided on their own, assuming that it was what the other was thinking. Things would be different for sure, and maybe the others would notice. Of course they would act normally—sanity wasn't optional in their lifestyle choices. Maybe the others could piece it together from the new normal, but there was the off chance that they wouldn't. They assumed that's what the other would want; for it to be kept hidden.

"Do you want to get up?" Buffy asked quietly, angry at herself for dreading the answer.

Willow sighed, realizing that Buffy was hinting for her to get dressed while edging herself out the door. "I guess so." She pulled herself out of bed, frustrated that she was giving up what she wanted so easily. _Just like me_, she thought bitterly. _Pushover Willow. _

They blushed as they dressed quickly, avoiding looking at each other as best they could. As easily as they could, they turned from one another, sure that it was what the other wanted, and went downstairs.

"Hey, guys," Dawn greeted as they filed into the kitchen, still flushed, messy, and trying not to look at one another. "What's on the menu?"

"Food," Buffy answered simply only to receive a groan from Dawn. "We'll make it."

Buffy and Willow worked together as best they could without touching or glancing, sometimes not even speaking to one another. Due to the lack of communication, breakfast took much longer than it normally did to make. By the time it was finished, Dawn was openly complaining and the other two's nerves were shot from dancing around each other and jumping in shock at each brush of the hand.

"What's with you guys today?" Dawn dug into her food like an animal, much to the disgust of her sister. "You seem sort of…on edge."

"We're fine, Dawnie," Willow answered automatically.

"Completely, totally more than fine," Buffy added without thought. She glanced at Willow when she thought it wouldn't be noticed, unaware that the person she'd looked at had done the same not ten seconds before.

**There's the chapter. Tell me what you thought.**


	4. Definitely Unexpected

**Here's this chapter. Sorry about the wait.**

_Definitely Unexpected_

The first time that Willow acknowledged what had happened was when she watched Buffy walk upstairs slowly. As she stared at her, four words moved quickly into her mind and settled there like an anchor; _I can't do this._

It was simple, but after everything that had happened, how difficult her life had suddenly become, she was glad that it was. There was no regret within her; not one thought about how she'd take it back had crossed her mind and she realized that there was a reason for that. Buffy needed to know that she wouldn't take back her actions. There was no reason to but she'd trade the world just for her friend to look at her again. The way she used to. Before her words had been silenced with a kiss and before the world had become so confusing.

"Buffy," she said quietly, surprised that she was able to make her voice sound so stable. "Could we, um…talk?"

Buffy stopped in her tracks, not looking down at Willow. "Uh, sure. My room?" Willow nodded and began up the stairs after her.

It would have to be in her room, Buffy decided. She knew what was coming; rejection. Willow would sit her down and apologize, telling her that she regretted what had happened. She would say that she hoped to forget it and move on. Then she would leave and Buffy would be torn. She wouldn't be able to go through that while sitting on the bed where…where it had begun.

The silence surrounded them as they sat down on Buffy's bed. Willow's pajama pants crinkled as they slid across the bedspread and the sound of it was maddening. The silence didn't last long, but it seemed to be forever. Willow opened her mouth to speak slowly, and it took so long for the words to come out that Buffy recalled how to pray for something she really wanted.

"Listen, Buffy—" Or didn't want. "—about last night—"

Buffy shook her head, cutting Willow off. "You don't have to say it, Will. I get it."

"You do?"

"Let's just forget it and move on. Act like nothing's wrong. That's what you want, isn't it?" she asked, almost accusingly.

Willow was silent for a few moments, a million thoughts coursing through her mind as she stared at Buffy, trying desperately to find her voice. "Buffy, that's not what…" She trailed off and looked down. "It's not that I…L-last night was…" She stopped again, sighing in frustration and closing her eyes for a few moments. "I don't regret last night, Buffy. You've…a-always had this way of…making it better; making _me_ better." She opened her eyes and stared Buffy down. "It was more than that, though. Before, when I went all—"

"Willow, you don't have to—"

Willow held up a hand to silence her. "Hang on." She shook her head a few times. "It's okay to talk about it." She sighed again and looked back down. "Since then, I was…disconnected from everyone. By choice, I should add. I didn't want to feel the guilt that came with what I'd done…so I hid. You've always had this amazing way of pulling me out again, of silencing the thunder behind the clouds. And you did that last night, Buff. So, no, I don't regret it. I can't. Not ever."

Buffy took a few minutes to gather her thoughts. "I understand," she said quietly. "After everything with S-Spike…I just n-needed to…connect with someone I _did _care about…someone who cared about me. I'm…just so…relieved it was you." She locked her gaze with Willow's and smiled at her sadly. "I don't think I could ever regret it either."

A small smile grew on Willow's face. "Really?"

"Of course not." Buffy shook her head. "It's definitely unexpected, but now way, no how. I have one question, though."

"Shoot."

"What…W-what does this mean…for us?"

The silence took control again and they sat thinking over the question for a long time, neither sure how to go about finding an answer. Willow opened her mouth to speak first. "Let's…Let's just anchor each other down. Keep one another…c-connected to everyone else. It's just…T-T-T…" She stopped and closed her eyes, wincing as the name passed her lips. "Tara's gone and…sh-she'd want me to move on." She opened her eyes and grabbed Buffy's hand. "I think being with you has helped a great deal."

Buffy smiled and nodded. "So, could…could I…?" Willow furrowed her eyebrows, trying to make sense of the unfinished question. She nodded finally when she'd figured out what that meant. Buffy smiled slightly before leaning forward and kissing Willow's lips gently, moving to frame the other girl's face with her hands. After a few minutes, she pulled away and smiled again. "So…If I wanted to call you…?"

The grins and laughter that followed felt like miracles.

**I know that was short and…I don't think it was realistic. However, I felt that I must move on with the story, able to rectify the character's mistakes in the most realistic way as possible or not.**


End file.
